‘Most men cheat because society allows them to’

Feminist leader and activist, Lebogang Ramafoko, has lambasted society’s construct on masculinity, saying it is what drives the infidelity that causes divorce in at least 25% of divorce cases in the country.

“It is more a societal orientation of how we excuse, allow, and permit – culturally so – the behaviour of men,” says Ramafoko.

She attributes this to patriarchal standards in society that she says inform some of the reasoning, which have been erected in favour of men and how they conduct themselves.

“In a patriarchal society, the belief is that 1. Men have the right to do whatever they please and that if a man has married you, you are part of their acquisitions or belongings. Secondly for a woman, marriage is the most important thing, and a married woman has more status in society than an unmarried woman,” she adds.

The feminist and researcher was weighing in on the controversy over Nigerian musician, Innocent Idibia, widely known both as 2Baba and Tuface.

The music icon is under fire from fans over his decision to relinquish a more than 15 years companionship with wife and baby mama, Annie.

2Face posted on IG last night about his separation from Annie and his plan to get a divorce.

Annie, allegedly and suspectedly , deleted the post and stated that the 2Face IG account was hacked. pic.twitter.com/WooGhu7EsB

— Damilola🌺 (@thebigdammy) January 27, 2025

The two are parents to two children, who are all younger than the five children 2Baba fathered with his girlfriends, while in a relationship with Annie.

The Nigerian musician’s reasons for cheating, which he revealed on the TV series, Young, Famous and African, have also upset many fans.

On the show, 2Baba claims that he slept with other women due a “man’s natural desire” to be with another woman even when he loves his wife dearly.

While many frowned-on Annie’s decision to continue supporting her husband despite his conduct, Ramafoko says it’s important to cut each other some slack, sometimes.

She says women’s behaviour, sometimes, is influenced by cultural and religious beliefs, in which divorce is frowned upon.

“During apartheid for instance, women were marginalised and treated as minorities and not permitted to acquire property, which could have influenced some women’s decision to withstand unfavourable treatment from a man,” she says.

For others, she says, it all has to do with social status.

Losing mutual friends and an affluent lifestyle are other sticking points, according to Ramafoko.

“There is a lot of loss that men know that accompany divorce,” she adds.

Ramafoko also believes that the ability of some women to withstand their partner’s questionable behaviour plays a significant role in the perpetual cycle of infidelity among men.

“…And it also goes with socialisation. Cheating happens because women are taught to withstand it, they are taught to blame themselves and they are taught make excuses for the man,” she adds.

Clinical and Transpersonal Psychologist, Dr. Khosi Jiyane, says people need to ensure that they fill their own cups first before deciding to pour into others.

“They also need to have their own life. Their life can’t revolve around this person. They need to also think about themselves and make sure that they are able to fill their own cups and not depend on this person for validation, love, and support,” adds Dr Jiyane.

According to the clinical psychologist, some women agree to marrying philanderers partners, hoping it would alter their behaviour.

Men, on the other hand, Dr Jiyane explains, often see this decision from a woman as her way of accepting his behaviour.

“They then marry her with hopes that she would not change her mind,” she adds.

She says although some reach a breaking point, many stay.

“Each person has their bottom-line, where they will choose to draw the line and say, enough is enough and in the meantime, they keep hoping perhaps this person changes and becomes a person they hope He/she would be,” adds Dr Jiyane.